Well, it’s that time of year again ! No, not the October Horrorthon. Similar, but better and different ! Alright, maybe not better, but anyway, it’s time for my Holiday themed “25 Slays of Christmas” !! That’s right, 1 holiday themed horror flick for each day of December, capping off on Christmas Day with timeless horror (and Canadian !) classic “Black Christmas”.
I’ve made rough goes of this in years past. I started out by doing “The 12 Slays of Christmas”, but now there are far more holiday “classics” to choose from, including the impending remake of the classic “Silent Night Deadly Night”. Oddly enough, some of these 25 films are legit quality titles. Others …. Not so much. That said, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen “Gremlins” (I know, I know) so that’s something, right ?
Anyway, without further adieu, I present to you,
THE 25 SLAYS OF CHRISTMAS
1) Silent Night (2012)
Finally a remake that could actually improve upon the original ! Hilariously, many people prefer the sequel for its classic “Garbage Day !” bit (and the fact that it shows 90% of the original via flashback anyway), so I don’t think there’ll be too many people complaining about this one, even if it sucks. Thankfully “The Mayfair” is doing a screening of it the night of the first, so that should be a fun way to kick off our festivities !
2) Black Xmas (2007)
This is one remake that kind of gets a bad rap. Now, I’m not saying its great or anywhere near as good as the classic original, but the unrated version is actually pretty gory and entertaining (for a modern remake). I had extremely low expectations for it last year, but I certainly didn’t hate it. Plus I think the killer makes cookies out of someone’s back, so that’s something, right ?
3) Elves (1989)
I’ve never seen this one, but vengeful elves wrecking havoc and being pursued by a chain smoking drunk sounds like a pretty fantastic storyline to me. Then again, I’ve been tricked before …
4) Inside (2007)
Legit recent horror gem (that luckily happens to take place on Christmas Eve. Loophole !) making its first appearance on this marathon. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, but it’s arguably the best of the French Nu Wave horror flicks that blew up awhile back (Martyrs, Frontiers, High Tension, etc).
5) Saint (2010)
Another recent foreign entry that I have yet to see, this one is from the Netherlands and portrays St Nicholas as a murderous monster who kidnaps and kills children. Funny stuff !!
6) Gremlins (1984)
As I said, I’ve never actually seen this entire movie before. Maybe when I was a kid, but I feel like my parents might have thought it would warp my mind and turn me into some horror loving freak. Thank god that didn’t happen. Cough.
7) To All a Goodnight (1980)
Okay, this one has the rare distinction of being directed by genre vet David Hess (Last House on the Left, Smash Cut) and not even having a trailer (that I could find). It has a “Prom Night”-esque plot of an initiation prank gone wrong leading to deaths years later. Probably terrible, but I’ll give it a go.
8) Rare Exports (2010)
I still haven’t seen this one, but I’ve consistently heard great things about it. It’s a Finnish film about Santa Claus being unearthed by an archeological dig and escaping to cause havoc. Sounds pretty amazing, no ?
9) Home for the Holidays (1972)
This was a made for TV movie about an ailing father who summons his 4 daughters to come and murder his wife who he suspects is trying to murder him. The best part is that it stars Sally Field and Jessica Walter. Yay ! Bluth Family !
10) Silent Night Deadly Night 2 (1987)
In some ways this is the better known of the SNDN series, largely due to the hilarious “Garbage Day” bit. I picked this one over the original due to its increased comedy and the fact that it shows most of the first movie in flashbacks anyway.
11) Don’t Open Till’ Christmas (1984)
This one is a surprisingly grisly UK gem about a guy wandering around London murdering people who are dressed as Santa Claus. Kind of a neat twist on the usual “Killer Santa” genre, though its a bit of a mess (much like the bodies of his victims).
12) Silent Night Bloody Night (1972)
Another that I haven’t gotten around to seeing, this one actually sounds pretty cool. A guy is left a house that was formerly an insane asylum. A killer from another asylum escapes and hides in the house, killing people and making menacing phone calls. Actually, that sounds kind of weird now that I see it typed out. Anyway, a remake of this one is coming out this year, but it isn’t out yet. Maybe next year …
13) Jack Frost (1997)
This one is a modern cult Christmas horror classic, pre-dating the (presumably) crappy Micheal Keaton one by a few years. A serial killer becomes a snowman and keeps killing people. Good stuff.
14) Silent Night Zombie Night (2009)
Never got around to watching this one last year, but with a title like that how could it be bad ?! Pretty easily I’d guess. Anyway, this one sees the residents of Los Angeles becoming zombies. Just like in real life. Cough.
15) The Day of the Beast (1995)
This was originally on my “October Horrorthon” list, but I decided to bump it to this one since it takes place on Christmas Eve. It concerns a priest trying to track down and kill the antichrist. Supposedly a pretty sweet flick. Looking forward to it.
16) Two Front Teeth (2006)
This will probably suck, but sounds pretty neat. A tabloid writer is trying to expose a cover up that may have been perpetrated by Santa Claus. Now an army of zombie elves and a vampire Santa Claus are after him ! Man I hope this is as good as it sounds.
17) Sheitan (2006)
This is a French film (translated to “Satan”) about a group of friends who leave a Christmas disco party to go to a remote farm and party with some (seemingly) cool people. Except it goes terribly wrong for them, as I assume you’d guessed.
18) Satan Claus (1996)
Great title for a probably absolute garbage direct to video killer Santa flick. I figure I need to watch it at least once, largely based on the title. I apologize to myself on advance.
19) Jack Frost 2 (2000)
How about another dose of killer snowman ?! No ? Well, he’s back anyway, this time with a lower budget ! How could it be bad ? Well, I’ll let you know I guess.
20) Wind Chill (2007)
This was a late addition, but I was intrigued enough (and tired of the other garbage options) to add it to the list. 2 students are driving home for the holidays and are inexplicably attacked by the ghosts of people who have died on that stretch of road. Sounds ridiculous, but Emily Blunt is cute, so that’s something.
21) Santa Claws (1996)
Another classic title for another (supposedly) shitty flick. On the plus side, this one is written and directed by the co-writer of the original “Night of the Living Dead” !! It involves a b-horror actress being stalked by a crazed fan who thinks he’s Santa Claus. How could it fail ?
22) Santas Slay (2005)
This one is about a murderous Santa Claus (catching the theme yet ?) played by wrestler Bill Goldberg, hamming it up with many pun-sational catchphrases. I watched it last year, but I only remember not hating it. Hopefully this year I’ll find a way to completely hate it.
23) Pranks (1982)
Aka – “The Dorm that Dripped Blood”, this one is about a group of teens who are closing down a dorm over the holidays. Little do they know they’ll be murdered one by one by a mysterious … Murderer !! Oh, when will the lethal prancing end ?!
24) Christmas Evil (1980)
Aka – “You Better Watch Out”, this one is about a man who loves Christmas and keeps a “Naughty” and “Nice” list with all the neighbourhood children on it. Hope you don’t make his “Naughty” list …. !!!
25) Black Christmas (1974)
An absolute classic that I take pleasure in saving till Christmas day. If you haven’t seen this one, I highly recommend it. Brutal, well acted, great ending. One of the best horror films of all time, and certainly the best Christmas horror.
Well, there you have it ! 25 Slays for 25 Days ! It all starts tomorrow, ad I can’t wait to see a modern take on an old “classic” in the company of other likeminded monsters at the best theater in town, The Mayfair !
I’ll be posting daily reviews as I wade through the filth. I look forward to sharing the fun throughout the holidays. Have fun, and watch out for Santa !!!